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Tales of Hockey Wife Underwear...

February 12, 2011

When I was pregnant for the first time...I read all the required books to prepare for the birth of our daughter! 
I consulted this book for every little thing that I felt, heard, and thought I needed.  I would try to only read the chapters that correlated with my pregnancy week by week...but I would secretly read ahead so I would of course "know what to expect"...just like the title implied!

Now I probably should have consulted the What to Eat When You're Expecting since I managed to gain over sixty pounds while pregnant with my daughter!  Oops!
Soon it was time to start preparing my hospital bag...which included everything I was going to need in the hospital before, during and after the birth of our child.  Since this was my first child, I assumed I needed each and every item on this list (found here).  
If you look closely at the list, there is a section for clothes that you MUST have for your delivery!  Now remember, this was my first child...and I was not quite fitting into anything from about my 4th month of pregnancy and beyond.  This included my (pre-child) underwear! 

Clothes
  • Extra pairs of underwear suitable for wearing with maxi-pads (no thongs, in other words) and a nursing bra
  • Nightgown or pj's, socks, and slippers
  • Comfortable outfit to head home in (remember you'll still look six months pregnant, so plan accordingly)
  • Going-home outfit for baby (don't forget socks or booties and a receiving blanket, plus extra layers if it's cold). Bring along a few diapers, although the hospital will probably provide them. 


It was time to hit the local Target and pick up some comfortable underwear that would provide coverage from top to bottom...and sea to shining sea!  (Let's just say my extra sixty pounds was not just in my belly!
Your grandma called...she wants her panties back!
I picked up some socks (you don't want to walk around on that yucky hospital floor), I bought slippers (???), I picked up a cute (large) pair of pajamas for my post-baby photos!  Then I headed over to the lingerie packaged-underwear section and started looking at my choices...

I grabbed a (much) larger size than I would usually have needed and looked at the package...
Why do they always have to have skinny models...even when the product calls for women with curves? This is NOT what I looked like in these Hanes 100% cotton "No ride up" panties! But it must have been my lucky day, because marked on my package of five pairs of granny panties...was a special offer!

BONUS PAIR OF PANTIES INCLUDED!

So what if I was purchasing underwear in a package of five (you don't find those deals at Victoria's Secret)!  Who needs cool colors...white underwear was practical and could be bleached! So what if I was purchasing underwear that at one time could have held two of my behinds....I was getting a free pair of underwear!

I was so excited...I went home and cut open my package and pulled out my BONUS panties, and they were...a size extra-small!
What The F*CK?  They put a pair of extra-small bikini underpants in my package of extra-large white cotton granny panties?   Well I guess it made since to someone at the Hanes factory.  Since both pairs of underwear were on the same skinny model...they must fit everyone!  

QUESTION - Why do we say  a PAIR of underwear...if there is only one undergarment? 



14 comments:

Hockey Wife said...

I took EVERYTHING in the room home with me. EVERYTHING. Including a BOX of these mesh boyshorts. I had a c-section so I couldn't wear underwear with a regular elastic waist, it was too painful and awkward with the incision and numbness. Anyway, they were AMAZING.

Anonymous said...

FYI - that free pair of turquoise underwear was a size XS and I still have it somewhere. Love ya, Sis!

Mrs K said...

Its the same thing with a PAIR of Jeans? And we say the same thing in Swedish!! I never thought about it before but its a really good question:))

The Hockey Wife said...

To my sister (anonymous)....Thank you for reminding me they were a size extra-small, and that you were able to take them from me and comfortably wear them!! At least everyone knows I wasn't lying!

Hockey Wife...we didn't realize you could take things FROM the hospital when you left. We didn't even take diapers..after I gave birth to my second, I think we even would have taken the TV if they hadn't caught us!

I Am Not Superwoman said...

Following you from a blog hop. I always wondered this too. And why do people say I am getting my hair cut when it is multiple HAIRS they are getting cut. So it should be I am getting my HAIRS cut. LOL...Anywho, I am your newest follower. Please visit my blog and follow back you are so inclined.

Laura said...

hahahahaha... i just died laughing reading this :) But, i will one day (wink wink) need to know this "list" for the hospital! ... maybe they call it a pair of underwear bceause both butt cheeks have to fit in.. "your pair" of cheeks.. in your underwears.. lol.. just a thought ;)

lovinangels said...

LOL! I made them give me a bunch of pairs of the mesh ones.

lovinangels said...

New follower from the hop!

Undeserving Grace said...

I can {sadly} relate! I kept saying to my mama that book left lots of the ugly parts out...how convenient! Funny post though. Brings back memories of when in high school I made fun of my mom for granny panties :)
swing by and say hello at undeserving grace when you get a chance!

Missy said...

You've got me thinking about the whole 'pair' issues. My mind is currently whirring and I don't get it haha!! Sleepless night for me tonight ...

Shalyn said...

Oh my gosh, this was too funny! That panty story is ridiculous- someone was laughing when they put those in there!

Crystal said...

That is so frickin' funny!!! You absolutely crack me up! What a shock when you have that first baby...I did NOT appreciate the tummy (and other areas) still left over. And what's with the panties that tuck into the bra???? I've never felt more sexually UNappealling in my life!!!!

Kristen Alexis said...

I'm your newest follower from Say Hi Sunday! I'm wondering the same thing when it comes to a PAIR of underwear? they should at least give us TWO! :)

Nicole said...

ahahahahaha you crack me up! And extra small in extra large package, priceless!and that's a good question...