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I am finally in a serious mommy-relationship!

November 9, 2011

Recently I have been in a serious mommy-relationship.  We meet each Wednesday for coffee, where we discuss everything from our children, our eating habits, current jobs, and anything else that we feel like talking about.  Nothing is off-limits, and there seems to be no judgements passed!  This is also one of the longest mommy-relationships I have been in...probably because we have finally been in the same city for three seasons (a record!).

Please don't judge, but I am also involved with another mommy...we have had a mommy-relationship going on for the past three seasons as well.  I introduced both of these women to each other, and we have been known to have three-way coffee dates and get-togethers.  When we left this last summer for our cottage, those two mommies would get together as well....without me.  I admit, reading their Facebook comments back and fourth to each other made me jealous and wish I were with them both.
Mommy #1, Me, Mommy #2

But I have a great mommy-relationship back home as well...and we sit at the beach all day drinking from our Copco glasses...chatting about anything and everything! (I miss her during the hockey season!)
The best part of being in a  polygamous mommy-relationship is that all of our husbands enjoy one-another's company...and all of our children are close in age and have developed a friendship as well!
Here is a great example of one particular evening...

My husband had a of the other husbands took his son, my son, and the other couple's son to game. The other husband took his daughter, my daughter, and other couple's daughter to a movie. All three wives went to dinner and to an event.

When the hockey game was over....all husbands took all of the children to the same house.  The men drank beer while they watched a hockey game on TV....and the children all played. The wives got to stay out late!

Did I mention how fabulous it feels to be in a long-term mommy-relationship with TWO moms?

I mention this, because last year I wrote a blog-post on mommy-dating.  I wrote this post because I was lonely and whenever we move to a new place, the process of finding a new friend is sometimes quite daunting.  I thought I would repost Mommy-Dating for those of you who have missed it!

Today I had a blind date!

There is a new girl in my daughter's class.  She just moved on Monday, and my daughter was picked to sit next to her and make her feel welcome.  Now, my daughter knows a thing or two about being the "new kid" in school.  She started kindergarten a few weeks after everyone else, and three weeks later, she left that school and started once again at a new school.  I never mentioned that she also started preschool late when I had posted about the Hockey Life vs. School.  I am fortunate that my daughter doesn't know anything different, and she never seems to have a hard time getting right into the mix and making friends.

Anyhow, my daughter came home and was telling me about her new classmate.  I was just packing her backpack for the day, and I decided it was a good idea to pass my name and our number along to the child's mother.  (I seem to know a thing or two about moving to a new place also!)  No more than 2 hours after school let out, I received a call from a lonely friendly mother.  We set up a (play) date for our daughters, our sons (both the same age) and ourselves.  They would all come to our house.

In preparation, I mopped the (tracked-in) salt off the floors, picked up clutter, wiped counters, and lit scented candles.  Yes, my hope was that she would be amazed at the fact I keep such a tidy home!  I never made it to the bedrooms upstairs, so I hoped she would not ask for a tour of our home.  I would somehow have to keep her on the clean main floor.  I picked up the kids from school, rushed home, brushed my teeth and touched up my make-up.  I wanted to look good for our (play) date.
I call this Blind Mommy-Dating!  
Every time we move, I am forced to go out and meet new mommy-friends.  I refer to this as Mommy-Dating.  My husband never has to worry about it, since he is instantly surrounded by new people to become friendly with while at work.  Meanwhile, I am stuck in the lonely world of Mommy-Dating.

She's Just Not That Into You...
My husband and I took our kids to the park last year.  While we were there,  I made friendly chatter with another mother.  We chatted about kid's activities, good restaurants, schools, etc.  After we had left the park, my husband asked if I had asked for her number?  I had to explain to him that as nice as she was, I wasn't interested enough to meet again for another (play) date.  "I just wasn't that into her!"

Online Mommy-Dating...
I decided to join a online mother's group.  I was asked to complete a short bio about who I was, my parenting style, and what I was looking for in this group.  I also had to submit a photo of myself.  Of course I filled out my bio with a bit of humor, hoping my personality would shine!  I searched through my photos for the best picture of me (I wish I had known about this!).  I pressed send, and was told they would contact me once I was "accepted".  Accepted?  I had to be accepted into this mother's group?  Was I funny enough?  Was I pretty enough?  It took two agonizing weeks of self-doubt...

Then, I received my email.  I had been accepted into the group.  They liked me, they really liked me!  I put the kids to bed, and began to read through the email.  There were rules I had to follow...

1.  You will be invited to mommy may accept or decline the invitation.
2.  If you decline, you will need to give a reason for not accepting
3.  If you decline three times in a row, you will no longer be in the group! (I assumed it was to keep the events productive and well-attended.  I had no problem with this...)

So, I started browsing the pictures of the other moms.  You could click on the pictures, and read the submitted bios.  I found myself clicking on the pictures of moms in the most superficial way...I was clicking on the moms who I thought looked like moms that I would like to associate with!!

<click> Sarah likes co-sleeping, does not like chocolate, and her children never watch television.<click> No Thank You!

I received my first invite...Breastfeeding Mothers Morning, nope!  I decline and give my reason."My children can pour their own milk, from a milk container"...<click>

I received my second invite...Baby-Wearing Mom's, nope!  I decline and give my reason. "My children don't even need a stroller anymore, let alone a baby sling!"...<click>

I received my third (and final) invite...Vegetarian, Breastfeeding, Baby-Wearing Mom's who run, nope!  I decline and give my reason. "I can only run 5k at a time!"...<click>

I was kicked out of the online mommy-group!  I no longer Mommy-Date online!

Of course, there are great places to go out and meet other available moms:

  • School Activities:  This is a Mommy-Meat Market!  Watch out for moms with mommy "business" cards...they are too eager, and far too organized.  I like to find moms who write their number on empty candy wrappers they dig out of their purse!
  • Parks:  Usually these are moms who are stir-crazy and just have to get out of the house.  Watch out for the super-playful mom...she is far too into being a supermom.  I prefer the moms who have three or four celebrity gossip magazines for their reading enjoyment!
  • The Gym:  Anyone willing to exercise in exchange for an hour of free daycare is OK by me.  The best is meeting the mom in the sauna...because there really is no rule saying you have to exercise for the full hour!
Now it is your turn.  Where do you go to meet available moms? Do you have a great Mommy-Dating story?  Please leave a comment and share! 

I received an email saying my blog had been nominated as a Top 25 Mom Blog.  I need your help!  Please be sure to visit my site and click on the button below (or at the top of my blog)...(or on the side of my blog)...and locate Tales of a Hockey Wife and VOTE.  Voting is open until November 17...and you can vote once every 24 hours!

I would greatly appreciate your help and your vote....


Stasiayates said...

Ok, so I have moved 8 times (only twice with kids).  I can tell you its different depending on your kids age.  When my kids were young, it was a hotbed for stay at home moms.  Our gathering place was the community pool.  There were between 5-10 moms there daily.  We even started a bunko (aka drunko) group.  When a few of us (me included) relocated due to hubby jobs, we decided on a yearly girls weekend!  That lasted a few years then more people moved (damn jobs!).  Where I live now my kids are older so its more about girls I like not girls who I have to hang out with because of the kids.  I did discover over the mommy-dating process (and it is a process) I can't stand drama queens!  Believe me when you move to a place where people NEVER move (if they do its into the house they grew up in) the high school clique drama queens still exist.  Avoid at all cost as it is hazardous to ones sanity!

Crytalball1 said...

I"M SO JEALOUS!!! I want a mommy-relationship! It's hard to make time for girlfriends when there are multitudes of kids, schedules to coordinate, and hubbies who would like some wife-lovin' every now and then. BUT I AM SO JEALOUS of your friendships. I think I've underestimated the importance of "girl time".

DP said...

From someone who has moved at least 13 times herself, it gets easier to weed out the rifraf each time. It doesn't sound like you have the stomach for drama queens, so good on ya for making girl time with the ones you want, not the ones who happen to be the parents of your kids' friends. And the idea of an annual girl weekend sounds delicious.

CT said...

I have been in a mommy relationship for 21 years with the most incredible 5 women.  We met through PTA when my first born was in kindergarden!  Thankfully, there were no drama queens involved at our school then!  All these years later, some of us still have lunch weekly, we all get together at least monthly and even have a yearly sleepover!!!  Like you, our husbands all get along well and some of our kids are still great friend (my daughter has an apt with one of the other daughters now).  We even did a family trip to Mexico with them a few years ago.  We see each other through tough times, illnesses, deaths of parents, empty nests, weddings and now my son will give us the first grandchild in January.  There is absolutely nothing better than good friends who are always there for you!  I wish you a long and happy mommy relationship :)

lpw said...

I am not a mother, a friend of mine asked me to vote for her for the contest and I ended up reading your blog. You are quite funny and even though I do not have children I can relate, I move often find it hard to make female friends. Keep up the great blogging!