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Talk Amongst Yourselves....

February 23, 2012

Michelle Duggar (mom of 19 kids that all start with the letter "J") spoke to women at a conference and passed along a few tips about the role of a wife in a marriage.  Go ahead and read these tips and talk amongst yourselves.  Tomorrow I will give you my thoughts about each tip...HWT style! 


1.  A husband needs a wife who respects him as a man: A woman destroys her husband's manliness by "being financially independent; love is killed by self-sufficiency."

2.  A husband needs a wife who accepts him as a leader and believes in his God-given responsibilities.

3.  A husband needs a wife who will continue to develop inward and outward beauty: Your hairstyle, for example, can show "obedience vs. defiance" and "personal discipline vs. inconsistency," among other things.

4.  A husband needs a wife who can lovingly appeal to him when he is going beyond his limitations and wisely respond to those who question his ideas, goals or motives: "Ask your husband to tell you when you have a resilient spirit; ask forgiveness whenever you do."

5.  A husband needs quality time to be alone with himself and the Lord.

6.  A husband needs a wife who is grateful for all he has done and all he is doing. "Expect nothing and be genuinely grateful for each little evidence of your husband's love."

7.  A husband needs a wife who will be praised by other people for her character and her good works.


Tami Miller said...

WTF?? This is 2012 right??

April said...

This should be a fun discussion.  I don't think too many readers will agree with me.

OKinUK said...

But, but...but she's got such an inner light! Her skin's so clear! 

Really, I'd take her advice on skin care before I took her advice on seemly and holy womanliness.

Wotcheri said...

I'm down with a lil S&M play so I get it. He's the dom she's the sub. And they play 24/7! It's kink with god's stamp (or spank) of approval. Props to her on being such a "good wife" lol.

Esbee said...

Next time how about posting a warning before you do an amazing set of photo speech bubbles so I don't read them with a mouth full of Cheez-Its. Almost had a choking situation going on! 

Andy said...

Haha what is this crap!? I've never heard of the women but this sounds like a religious lunatic. Sad when people deminish themselves, and women in general, like that. 

championm2000 said...

This advice leaves me wondering...which came first 19 kids and this mentality or this mentality and then 19 kids...

Jcag said...

OMG -- this just INCENSES me!!!!  It's so regressive, and just so....WRONG!!!!!  Love is killed by self-sufficiency?  Is she on crack?  I will admit, my hubby is extra sweet to me when I'm down in the dumps, but I think being too dependent breeds contempt.  Your partner will just think you're inferior to him...which seems to be where she's coming from anyway.   Expect nothing?  A wife must accept her husband as a leader?  Your hairstyle can be defiant?  WTF??????  And the man needs quality time to be by himself -- when you have 19 kids.  Really?  So you have to spend every waking moment taking care of everyone else and you have to be grateful (given you expect nothing)?  OMG.  This woman has no self-esteem, no backbone, and no self worth.  Her husband has it made in the shade, since he's got himself a breeding servant.  

April said...

They've been married for 28 years which is an enternity in this day and age so they must be doing something right.  While I don't agree with everything they do, she certainly doesn't seem "repressed" to me and actually seems like a happy, content woman. 

If they are happy then who am I to judge them?  Just because maybe their lifestyle isn't what I would choose, doesn't make them (or her viewpoints) wrong. 

I agree with some of what she is saying.  Of course, what she is talking about is her attitude/relationship towards him.  I'm sure that if her husband were giving a speech, his would center around her. 

#1 A man does need a woman that respect him.  I don't agree that love is killed by self-sufficiency but I do think that by nature men WANT to provide for their families and to be the primary bread-winner.  I have heard of many couples who actually have problems when the woman makes more than the man (of course, not all situations) because he has a lower sense of self-worth.
#2 I don't have a problem with accepting my husband as a leader.  He is the alpha male in the house and I like a take-charge kind of man.  It's sexy.
#3 I don't really get the hairstyle example but what I took from #3 is that just because you are married, you shouldn't let yourself go.  Just because you get married doesn't mean that you should allow yourself to become fat and unattractive.  You should continue to do whatever it is you did when you were trying to "catch" him.
#4 I think this is saying that you should talk to your husband when he is doing something that you dont' agree with but dont' be a bitch about doing it.  Don't nag, complain, etc.
#5 I can understand anyone needing alone time.  If you believe in God and have a relationship with him then the man is supposed to be spiritual leader in the house.  This is their belief and, remember that she was probably talking at a religious, women't retreat.
#6 A wife should be thankful for what the husband has provided especially if he has afforded the lifestyle in which she can stay home with her children (if she so chooses).  If you set your expectations low then you will never be disappointed and probably grateful for all that you do receive.
#7 I think this is just saying a husband needs a wife that he can be proud of.

I don't really understand why people have such a big issue with the Duggars.  From everything I've read they are sweet, sincere people.  Their children are disciplined, helpful, and giving.  Yes the older ones take care of the younger ones but that has been happening since the beginning of time, that is part of being in a family especially a large one.

What they do or don't do really doesn't affect my life at all.

Hockey Wife Tales said...

I see your point, but I am hoping you could tell I was just using theses tips as humor! I really don't spend too much time thinking about the Duggars in my spare time. There were actually many points I agreed with...I even asked my husband if he felt I was being disobedient by growing out my bangs and wearing my hair a bit differently. If you knew me, you would know I am a firm believer of letting people live their life however they wish....I was just having some HWT fun!


April said...

No! YOUR responses were funny . . . I was more putting it out there for all of those people who just hate the Duggars, think that horrible people, lunatics, etc. etc.  I definitely don't agree with all of their choices but for the most part, I'm a "live and let live" kind of girl. 

I knew when I saw this that I would probably be in the minority in agreeing with her points.  I think she presented them in pretty archaic speech but the major meaning of each point, I kind of agree with.

I think it would be very interesting, though, to see what Jim Bob would say for what it takes to be a good husband.

Lutz said...

OK, I haven't read your replies yet (but will definitely read them after finishing this comment). Being German, I had never heard about the Duggars and only looked them up after reading this list a few days ago.

I have to say I somewhat disagree with April. I see her point that it is fine if it works for them and I also agree with that statement. However, one has to remember that Mrs Duggart is giving this list as advice that happily married people should live by. By choosing to live a life as a role model she is putting these statements out there for discussion. Therefore it is not just a personal statement but a message that can be discussed critically.

Also, I do realize that this is only her side, but since her bread-earner has not, at least to my knowledge, put out his list, I tend to believe that he completely agrees with this. There is no indication that his standpoint would look very different. In my opinion, the logical answer of his would not be the same as hers but one where he states that it is his role as a husband to supply everything for her so that she can happily live her obedient lifestyle.

As I said above, I think it is totally fine if it works for them. But I cannot help but disagree with her. It is not just her diminishing her role and her position as a woman, that alone would be bad enough. I also completely disagree with her opinion of what a man is. I would feel totally degraded if I were to be admired by my wife simply because of my position as a man. I would want a relationship that is based on love and respect for the other individual, not the other man or woman. I am not sure if I can get my point across clearly on this, not being a native speaker and all (and also because I am terribly tired at the moment), but I hop you can at least understand my comment. :-)

Thank you for your blog. I really enjoy reading your reports on your life.

Hockey Wife said...

OMG ... I can't. I just can't.

hfx said...


I have never laughed so hard in my life reading a computer screen. Your commentary is a scream. The comments, there again.. hysterical  Still chuckling !  Never really watched the J gang...  just in passing  noise in the background kinda thing , morning tv etc. She looks so frail-depleting her body with each pregnancy.He is always by her side with the bangs, smiling - and why not  -he is a very sexually active male -  her with her long 1980  hair,  smiling with a  small collar and denim. A panoramic view unleashes  an amazing amount of clean cut, happy, well behaved kids. God must love them, is all I can say I would not have  even entertained the thought ! It does it for her, me not for love nor money. Nada !

Willow_kender said...

1-    “Love is killed by self-sufficiency”??? Love is killed by
clinging, nagging, lack of a personality. Strength and self-sufficiency
is saying: "I love you, and if things go bad, I’m there to cover your ass

2-    Hahahahahahahahahahah *deep breath* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA

3-    See here I see a point: If you let yourself go once you’re
married,  then don’t blame him (or her) for looking elsewhere.  Look at
it this way: If you have this sweater that is soft, and comfy and that
you REALLY love: You’ll stop loving it so much once it gets all
stretched out and full for pilling making it scratchy. If my husband
didn’t care enough to take care of himself than I’d be looking for
another husband.

4-    If he’s acting stupidly, he will be told. Not hatefully, not condescendingly, but it might be fuel for later hilarity…

5-    as does a wife… Can you crate-train kids?

6-    Again, as does a wife… wait “expect nothing?” You’re kidding right?

7-    That’s called a trophy wife…  now one needs to be proud of one's
wife or husband, admiration is important... but that doesn't come from
people's approval, that comes from one's own ability to recognize the
other's value...