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Is Fraud a Felony?

June 26, 2011

Fortunately, I am not blogging today from federal prison.  I must be honest with you,  I committed FRAUD the other day. I am not proud of it...but in a way, it was kind of funny!

Let me begin by giving you a little background.

  • I have been with my husband for over fourteen years.  
  • I have lived with him in his our summer cottage for thirteen summers.  
  • Before we dated...we both dated other people.
  • I am not a jealous person
  • There was a previous girlfriend of my husband that once lived in his our cottage twenty years ago.
  • We still have items that belonged to this previous girlfriend...and it doesn't bother me at all.
  • We will call this girlfriend "PAST GIRLFRIEND" for the remainder of my story.

Last week, I was making our bed...when the phone rang.  I answered the phone and received an automated message....

"This message is for PAST GIRLFRIEND.  If this is PAST GIRLFRIEND please press '1' now."

(What?  She hasn't lived here in over twenty years?  What could this be about?  Hmmmm...)

So I pressed '1'.....and a woman comes on the phone.  

"I am looking for PAST GIRLFRIEND"

(What do I say?  What is this about? What should I do?)

So, I did what any wife who answers the phone and is asked by a robot if they were their husband's ex-girlfriend.....

"Speaking....."


"Past Girlfriend, this is Francis with Blah Blah Visa, and we are calling about a past due payment of $622.34."
(OH SHIT...This is not good!)

You know that moment of panic when you realize that something you have done so innocently has started to turn into something much bigger than you originally expected?

  1. My first thought was to hang up, but I didn't want to get PAST GIRLFRIEND into trouble by making it look like she was avoiding paying her Visa.
  2. My second thought was to say I would pay it, and thank them for calling...then contact PAST GIRLFRIEND via facebook (if I could find her) and tell her to pay her bill.
But my conscience won, and I fessed up....

"I have to be honest with you" I told Francis.  "I am not PAST GIRLFRIEND.  PAST GIRLFRIEND is my husband's ex-girlfriend who lived here over twenty years ago......I am so sorry!"


"Oh, this is not good....now you know what this is about." Snapped Francis. 





"I am sorry, I was just curious to know who was calling for PAST GIRLFRIEND!  I am not jealous or anything, I was just..."


"Well, if this ever happens again, I suggest you not play these games.  You have just committed fraud!"


So there you have it.  Curiosity killed the cat and made me commit fraud.  Everyone I have told this story to has found the humor in it...except Francis!  I suggest she lighten up a little.





19 comments:

Laura said...

hahaha.. ooops. But i can't believe they would be calling 20 years later for this girl!! what the heck? "past gf" must be having some CC issues! 

Val Browning said...

I believe you did not knowingly commit fraud... if someone is calling for PAST GIRLFRIEND at a number she has not been at for say, 20 years, it can NOT be good.  I betcha Francis would have done the same thing...so yeah, lighten up Francis!

TexaGermaNadian said...

Haha, would have for sure done the same exact thing. Who knew it could be so dangerous! Hope you are enjoying your summer :)

Mrs. Hyde said...

Francis sucks! That was hilarious! She's just pissed 'cause she won't get her bonus for taking Past Girlfriend's ass down.

Kim said...

Way to have some balls and see what was up w/PAST GIRLFRIEND!  Who wouldn't be a bit curious to figure out who was calling and what it was about??? 

H M said...

Hahahaha AWESOME story!!

Sarahcaiafa said...

send Francis a bottle of wine and tell her to lighten up. After all she was calling your house. Why is past girlfirend using your number?

Cherielklinger said...

Okay now I have stitches in my side from laughing too hard!  I would have done the same!!  Lighten up Francis!  

Shari Goss said...

If it helps, you will probably have a jail cell near my mom!  LOL She use to sign all my Dad's paychecks and then go to the bank to cash them.  One day she forgot to do it ahead of time, and the bank teller said "oh he forgot to sign this one" so my mom turned it over signed his name and handed it back.  The lady said "OMG I didn't just see that" they compared his signature on all the checks and it matched LOL.  He signed it one time, and they almost didn't take it!  I told him dude get direct deposit if you 2 ever divorce!

I find none of these callers have a sense of humour, they have a tough job with lots of people who play stupid games.  When we got our number we had tons of calls for ppl who use to live here, and they would call me a lier saying I was them and just didn't want to pay my bill.  The one day I was so fed up (we got about 6 calls a day from collectors, none of whom were for us), sometimes we had to call back as they would just say your bill is overdo, and since we used that company we would call to see what happened to our payments.  Well I got this lady who said you are lying you are them.  I know she had called before, and finally I said "Is it so unfathomable to you that this person who has not paid the bill you are calling about could have skipped out on paying other bills?  Is it really that far fetched to think they didn't pay their bell phone bill too?  And that an innocent person who does pay their bills got this number and is being harrassed for no good reason?  Well?????" I got an apology and she hung up LOL

Momvstheboys said...

hahahaha!! funny! I would want to know who was calling too! Love the blog, I'm now following from the hop and off to grab your button for my blogroll!

jenifermoody said...

Definitely would have done the exact same thing! and hey, he should freak on you because anyone could of said they were her and done much worse...so really he should be worried that he gave out private information without verifying who you (or past girlfriend) really was! 

Hockey Wife said...

Ba ha ha! That is freakin' hilarious! I am so glad you pretended to be PAST GIRLFRIEND, I would have done the saaaaaaaaaaaame thing, girlfriend! Amazing!

Hockey Wife Tales said...

Thanks for the follow. I will be sure to head over and check out your blog! Glad to know I am not alone in my curiosity!

Hockey Wife Tales said...

That was my thought as well. I feel like they should have verified who I really was. So the visa company is the one to blame! Cheers!

Andrea Cordts said...

HAHAHAHAHA! Because the way they contacted you is FILLED with security. I would totally have done the same thing.

Narragansett No. 7 said...

Seriously? Lighten up, Francis! I'm not entirely sure Francis who is working in collections is qualified to render that kind of criminal charge. ;)

TriGirl said...

Oh, well at least they have a fail-safe way of ensuring that only PAST GIRLFRIEND would press that button.  Sheesh.  Stopped by from Storytellers :)

Rachel said...

Oh, man. That is GOOOOOD! Francis needs to get her facts straight. . . calling a # from 20 years ago?! Where is she getting her info anyways? Did you ever find Past Girlfriend on Facebook? 

Yvonne said...

Too funny! I would have done the same thing :) I think "fraud" is a bit extreme

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