"Oh my gosh, there is Matthew!"
I pulled into the parking space and my son was out of his seatbelt immediately. He was standing up in the minivan and couldn't wait to get inside. I was making sure I had my phone in my purse and was about to open the door when I heard...
"Oh my gosh, my whole team is here....HOLY $HIT!"
I must admit, the first thing that went through my head was...
"Holy $hit...where did he learn that word?"
While suppressing my desire to smile and laugh, I asked the mandatory question...
"What did you just say?"
My son knew he had said a bad word. Although he doesn't know what it means, he knows it is definitely a word that is not to be spoken by his four-year-old mouth. My son also knew the best way to answer me was to DENY, DENY, DENY....
"Mom, I said Holy Moley."
I then let my son know that it is one thing to say those words in our home, but if he speaks them in school or around other people...I would not be happy.
I am not going to lie....my kids hear inappropriate language in our home. I don't use profanity all of the time, but if I stub my toe, or burn myself while cooking...I sure as F*cking H*ll will let out an expletive. My husband has been known to throw out the odd F-bomb...but I am definitely the one to accept the blame when it comes to the naughty words my kids say.
Maybe some of you are nodding your heads, and understand that children hear most foul language in their own home before they hear it elsewhere. Maybe some of you are appalled by the fact I am not too concerned about my children saying such words that I irresponsibly speak in front of their young ears. To those of you who never swear...or who swear their children would never say such words...please hear me out.
To me, it is not the word, it is how it is used.
If my son or daughter uses a swear word toward someone...
If they swear in school, church, or a public space...
If they use it inappropriately...
I WILL NOT BACK THEM AND THEY WILL BE PUNISHED! My job as a parent is to teach my children how to moderate the language that they will hear from friends, in movies, and on the street. I would never want my son to think it is acceptable to swear while working in an office...
I am a believer that there are definitely some people who are more likely to use curse words...and there are those who never have the desire or need to use certain language...even if a gosh darn brick falls on their toe. My daughter is one of those people. I don't think she has ever used a swear word...and to this day thinks the "s" word is "stupid". But my son...he takes after his mom! That boy can work a "naughty" word into any conversation. I often say my son uses only four-basic-word-groups....
Fart, poop, stinky, and butt.
If I had a dollar for every time my son said one of those words in the course of an hour, I would be a very wealthy woman!
I assume swear words are similar to drugs. You start out small....with recreation words like "poop" and "fart". It all seems innocent enough, then the next thing you know you are shooting up words like $HIT and F*CK! I think my son is headed down that road...and it is not going to be pretty.
My husband has often said the language in a hockey locker room is not something he would want his mother to hear. I guess I should be proud knowing I too am playing an important part in his hockey development.....locker room preparation!
So why am I blogging about swearing?
Have you heard about Modern Family's episode last night? Lily dropped the F-word! Of course one of her fathers thought it funny (me) while the other father was concerned about his daughter's use of the word (my husband). If you have a moment, here is a great synopsis of the television episode, and the fall-out that has come from it!
So what is your take on swearing? Has your child ever used an expletive, and if so...what did you do about it? Leave me a comment and tell me your experience.
12 comments:
I think we all go through a similar experience with our children. My youngest son (14 years old) hears so much in his hockey locker room and I am sure he participates! I don't remember the first time I heard the boys say something inappropriate. I am more realistic and think it's gonna happen, but it BETTER NOT BE at an inappropriate time! My husband is not as forgiving in the matter. He grew up with parents who were pastors. (Enough said, right??)
If my little 2 said a bad word then I would just tell them that we don't say those words. If Kanin said it, he would be in bad trouble. Especially if he knew what he was saying.
Perfect time for your son to let this one slip since Modern Family's episode was just on! Too funny, it would be really hard not to laugh!
I let things slide with our oldest sometimes. But, really I try to curb the cursing as much as possible since I don't need the little boys busting out a "sh!t gd fu*ck" in the middle of church. Because, that's the way my life works.
My only stickler rule is what's said at the dinner table. No poop jokes, no profanity, no fighting. That's our family time I don't want my dinner ruined by that kind of junk. I dunno. Maybe I'm harder on them than I thought, ha!
I have literally grown up in a hockey arena and I have to admit that a coach´s language is definitely something every mother should be warned about before letting kids stay with him. However, if players lose a game (without pride, which sometimes happens) there must be someone to shut them down.
When talking about dirty words and kids in general.. when my little girl-cousin was 2, my aunt was really suprised she was using word ´diet´.. I will never forget aunt asking ´where the hell did *cousin´s name* learn/hear it?´´ ... I do not really find the word bad (unless I have to go throught it) but as you said, it starts with little innocent words that makes your mother roll eyes and continue as.. F- or S- .
I too do not allow poop or fart jokes at the table...I am thankful when my son only says those words once or twice in a meal, and I am quick to remind him I don't care to hear it at the table. Funny thing, this is usually where my husband has a hard time not giggling when we are at the table! Drives me nuts, and like Modern Family, I feel as though I have an extra child.
Kid you not, my first clear word at my bday party at age 3 was sh*t! My daughters college we think will be partially funded by my hubby. She gets $.25/swear and figures she is up to @5,000 so far. I have got to say the look on my kids faces when they let a "bad" word slip is hysterical. Its the OH MY GOD did my parents here that. Yes we did. How can you hold a straight face? I mean seriously its hysterical. They do get in trouble but its tough to yell at them when we are trying not to laugh!
This is an interesting one...my boys and I go round and round about the word "frickin!" It drives me crazy and it is so very close to the f-bomb, but it is perfectly acceptable. Our oldest is a high school varsity hockey player, and we have talked at length about swearing. I finally let it go, when he said to me that what is said in the locker room and on the ice stays there...he's been all right. The second boy, well he's a piece of work, but at least he apologizes before he says a swear word!
I work as a teacher and it's kinda funny the words my kids think of as 'swear words'. I obviously take a very much that is wrong stance if anyone of them so much utters a swear word in school. As you say it's how they use it and more often than not it's usually towards another child. That being said I have to someone explain that no stupid is not a swear word. I was modelling writing the other day and used the term bloody battle. As I wrote it, there was a collective gasp from the kids with whisperings of "Miss has used a swear word, she wrote b word!". I then had to explain, I felt I was being told off hahaha!! In the UK bloody is used as an expletive so I get them haha. I myself am terrible for swearing if I've hurt myself or something or angry. But never towards someone else.
Once again I love your blog! I do not feel alone in my needing to occasionally let out words best left elsewhere. My 12 yr old is learning them, but from myself and movies I have chosen to share with her. She also knows if she gets caught using them she's dead meat. It is my opinion that if you don't teach kids the "right way" of using language of any form, they muck it up and can cause an embarrassing situation. That being said, my kids learned the f-bomb during the finals last season, from me. No, I'm not embarrassed at all about it.
I'm a pottymouth and I know it. I have my favorite curse word and favorite curse phrase. Now that Kiddo is four, I'm trying to do better monitoring what I say when her little ears are in hearing range.
But there are times when the cursing is just the thing for that moment and if that means I've got a little vocabulary for those moments of great stress and need, then I'm just stoopid like that.
I don't know if I'll be embarrassed if and when she starts to imitate my speech, but if it's anything like her Christmas pageant, then yeh, I'm in for a world of hurt.
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