Are we giving up too easily?

Marriage is hard!  Choosing to spend the rest of your life with one person; for better or worse, in sickness and in health, and until death do us part is not as easy to do as it is to say.  But once you say those vows...are you really required to honor them?

We all rolled our eyes when Kim Kardashian got married in a very expensive whirlwind made-for-TV wedding. When Kim announced the marriage was over after 72 days, none of us were surprised. Brittany Spears got married in Las Vegas to a childhood friend, just because. Fifty-five hours later it was annulled and we all just shrugged our shoulders.  Who didn't shake their heads when Lisa Marie married Michael Jackson...no surprise when that marriage didn't last.

There have been so many celebrities announcing separations and divorces that it is enough to make me question...Is divorce the new black?

Sometimes, it is obvious that a marriage won't last...maybe the celebrities have only dated a short time before tying the knot, or they are the complete polar opposites. When they announce their marriage, we are intrigued...when they announce their separation, we are not surprised.

But then there are the couples that seem like they truly love each other...and when they announce their separation....we are truly surprised.  When Heidi Klum and Seal announced their decision to separate....I was shocked.  They both seemed so in love (in the tabloid magazines I read).  Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins seemed like they were together for the long haul.  Although they never formally married, they were together for two decades!  I am secretly rooting for Courtney Cox and David Arquette.  Although they are no longer together as husband and wife, they seem like they truly want the best for each other...and still spend time in each other's company.

Of course, when there is an indiscretion, such as infidelity...I think divorce is definitely warranted.  Once the trust is broken, it is hard to stand by your partner's side.  Ashton Kutcher, LeAnn Rimes, Jesse James and Tiger Woods strayed from their marriage and lost their spouses because of it.

But what about non-celebrities?  Obviously divorce happens to everyday couples as well.  My parents divorced when I was five years old.  In fact, my mother was the age I currently am when she separated from my father.  My sister and I were the ages that my children are right now.  I am so appreciative that both my parents put their differences aside and divorced with grace.  I can honestly say I never saw my parents fight.  Although we lived with my mother a majority of the time, we saw my father often.  Never once did I feel like I had to choose between my mother or father.

Both of my parents have now been remarried to their current spouses longer than they were originally married to each other.  I am thankful that my children have four grandparents who love them dearly.  My mother and my step-mother get a long well and it is never awkward to have all four of my parents in the same room.  This definitely made my wedding and family parties so much easier.  I have friends whose parents will not even speak to each other after they divorced.  Such a burden to be placed on their children, who must act as referees.

I have now been married to my husband for almost nine years.  We have been together for fifteen.  As I have spoken of before, his career dictates where we live and how are lives together are shaped.  To say it is easy would be a lie.  There have been times that I have been quite resentful.  It is hard to leave friends, leave jobs, and leave my family.  Most of the time I have no say in the city we move to, but I put a smile on my face and make the best of it.  I have often wondered what my life would have been like had I never served him the beer on the night I met him.  Would I still be single? Would I have started a career? Would I have moved away from my family?

I see celebrities divorce their spouses and become single mothers.  Jennifer Lopez already has a young boyfriend (that was fast, eh?) and they seem to jaunt from Madrid to Hawaii.  She makes being a single mother look so easy.  I often think...where are her kids?  Kate Gosslin has eight kids, yet has time to fly from PA to LA for the Golden Globes... dance with the Stars...and vacation on the beach with her "bodyguard". Imagine this...Your marriage doesn't work out, and suddenly you are single again.  After the divorce, you start dating, once again enjoying the honeymoon stage that had long-disappeared in your former marriage.  Who wouldn't want to take vacations where you didn't have to pack for your husband and kids too.  Just a carry-on with a bikini, a cocktail dress, and a change of underwear.  Life is good....

But is it?  I don't recall my mother going out on many dates...or take amazing vacations.  My mother, like me, was a stay-at-home mom when my parents divorced.  She took a job as a secretary to make ends meet. She had to get us off to school and then come home from a long day at work to cook dinner, help with homework and put us too bed.  Weekends were for grocery shopping, cleaning the house and catching up with laundry.  Yes, we would often see my father and stay at his house on weekends...but as a mother I can only imagine how much my own mom appreciated the day or two of silence...just to read a magazine or enjoy a hot bath.  I don't think she was competing in a dance competition while we were away...but who knows?

My marriage is not perfect....but it is strong.  I describe it like this..."it just is".  I don't get flowers and he doesn't get pole dances.  He sometimes irks me, and my nagging drives him nuts.  There are some days we don't talk while he is on the road.  But there are little things that mean a lot....the Diet Coke he brings to me in the afternoons, or the rare time I iron one of his shirts.  Those are the things that mean the most.  Things nobody can see but us.  How does a marriage survive nine cities and two moves per year?  We both have decided that divorce is not an option.

Someone once told me this piece of advice for a long marriage....

As long as you BOTH don't fall out of love at the same time....your marriage will survive.

This is so true.  Marriage is full of ups and downs.  If my husband and I were to throw in the towel the first time our marriage was not easy...we would have separated many hockey seasons ago.




The night I met my husband, I called my best friend and told her I met the man I was going to marry.  I just knew....the way you know about a good melon!

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